Reconnecting to Your Inner Self: Moving Through Insecurity and Doubt as an Artist

Bonjour, and welcome back to the SCBWI Official Blog!

My name is Justin, and I am a pre-published author/illustrator and professional performer in Brooklyn, NY. Although I am a professional dancer by trade, I have always written and drawn, almost always lost in the imaginary worlds of my mind.

Graduate of Montclair State University with a BFA in Dance and a Minor in Art Studio & Design (Illustration), I now perform professionally, nationally, and internationally.

I've been fortunate to have great success in the theater world, and I hope to continue by passing on my knowledge to the younger generation. Nowadays, I find myself teaching and choreographing more, which has brought me much joy.

For more information about my performance career, visit www.justincampbellnyc.com.

This is my LAST blog post as a guest blogger! It has been just a wonderful time exploring topics and ideas. We discussed the "Art of Discipline," how I go about my "Portfolio Planning," and the "Creative Mapping" I follow to navigate my imagination.

But for my final post, I want to write about the internal state of being as an artist:

"Reconnecting to Your Inner Self"

Born in Staten Island, NY, I was raised in the projects by my mother, a West African immigrant who moved to America just before the civil war broke out in her home country. Growing up, we struggled, but there was much light in our home, for what we lacked in access and resources, I found in books and art. I was a bookworm, and unfortunately, I became sort of the outcast in the neighborhood because of it.

Drawn to storytelling by my great-uncle, a performer of our traditional culture/customs, I liked exploring different forms of artistic expression to understand the world around me. I constantly wrote stories, drew the characters, and even performed as them in plays for my relatives. Being around other Black and Brown kids who didn’t see value in reading and creativity confused me, but I kept dancing to my own beat. Sometimes, all by myself.

 But soon, I started influencing the younger kids while playing pretend and creating. You would often see us playing "Hogwarts" or Basketball Court Quidditch on skates. I was even the sole proprietor of Spy University, an international "espionage school" for young, gifted inner-city kids who liked spying on their neighbors. Thanks, Scholastic and Harriet the Spy.

I would constantly create for the sheer love and necessity of it. No other reason. Always creative as a child, but didn't know that you could make it a career, your life's purpose.

Today, I perform/draw/write, and create because of those days. I'm proud of being a good influence on the younger kids, and I've come to realize that art really can save lives. It saved mine. 

All of the opportunities I've been given, from flying to Beijing to perform to dancing on the Kennedy Center stage, have been through art and storytelling. 

So when I feel lost, I go back to that North Star, which I like to call "Baby Justin." 

Most people my age have doubts, anxieties, and insecurities and in order to find my way back, I have developed a few rituals that I consider:

Pillars of my Creative/Spiritual Life

They are my Animal Spirit Tarot Deck, my Q&A for the Soul, and my Journal.

These are the tools for my centering, reflecting, and reconnecting.

The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit by Kim Krans

I start with a tarot card pull. 

I discovered this deck when I was on a theatre contract, and every morning before I went to the beach to meditate, I would draw a card. It is an amazing deck that serves more as an affirming spiritual guide, unlike more common decks. 

When I returned home, I bought my own, and I've been drawing daily cards for over seven years. It brings me inspiration, peace, and emotional guidance.

So, once the cats are fed and coffee brewed, I sit at my kitchen table, where I keep all of the aforementioned items stacked and ready and shuffle away.

Q&A for the Soul

This book was a gift during a Secret Santa party, and it's the gift that keeps on giving. This book asks me the same questions every day for five years. They can range from simple questions like "What one thing have you learned today?" to "How do you show mercy?"

I am coming up on the end of my fourth year, and it is so eye-opening when I reread what I've written previously—BUT only after I've written the current day's entry. NO cheating :)

I usually document my tarot card pull for the day, and I love it when I get the same card on the same day, like two years ago. 

This form of reflection shows me my patterns, where I've grown, and where I've been—positively or otherwise.

Journaling

Sometimes I expand upon those prompts or even delve more into the tarot card I drew. OR just free-write, really. 

I've kept a journal for most of my life, writing poetry, thoughts, and even songs on its pages. Every so often, I revisit them and ooph, was I angsty?! But it' s what I do, to keep my mind from wandering too far from home. Sometimes, I spiral (don't we all?), and when I need a grounding, this is where I find it. I'ma huge advocate for journaling. And just look at how cute my notebook is?! Why wouldn't you want one? 

So, in the spirit of reconnecting with my inner self, I'd like to journal a bit here.

So let's start with a "PULL," shall we?

What is your philosophy as an artist?

Snake (Guardian of Unawakened Magic & Creative Potential)

My philosophy is to create to connect others, to give others new perspectives and new stories to discover. As an artist, I want to continue to expand, to build upon my knowledge, to go out into the world to expose myself to new work and ideas. Always seek out ways to tap into your "unawakened magic," which is usually waiting for you in the wings if you look out for it. 

And much like the "Spider" card, a great way to tap into this is to be playfully creative. I know I can get into my head and start stressing whether my art is enough, whether the colors are correct, whether the composition is good, or if my technique is right... All of these thoughts block you from that creative potential. 

So, as the Snake card says:

In Balance: prosperous, creative, charismatic

Out of Balance: starts and stops many things

To Bring into Balance: meditation

What is your mission?

Bee (Earnest, Hardworking, Democratic)

“Work steadily and thoughtfully." My mission is to work hard, never give up, and stay connected to my goals. The "why" is important to hold on to. Be process-oriented, not results-oriented. Even in the dark, continue to move forward.

It is my goal to be someone who builds the confidence and emotional literacy of all children. I want children to see kindness, vulnerability, and empathy as strengths, not weaknesses. And in exploring this in my work makes it bigger than me, and serves my community.

To do so, I must work tirelessly and joyfully toward creating AND completing my projects, with earnestness and sincerity. 

So, as the Bee card says:

In Balance: content, active, vibrant

Out of Balance: overworked, annoyed

To Bring into Balance: mini-vacation

Why do you create art?

Spider (Creator of Prosperity through Life’s Work)

This might be my favorite card in the deck besides the "Whale." (Ocean, 'member?)

The card states, “The Spider is an ingenious creator. Its greatest gift is weaving the thread of dharma into a vast intricate web that supports the Spider (and those around it) both financially and spiritually.”

This idea of purpose and creativity has always rung true for me. I create art because I love people, I love history, I love what connects us, culturally and spiritually. I absolutely love connecting to my culture and various cultures around the world through art. Art preserves the human experience, and this intrigues me.

Art has been the tool to record, communicate, and express ourselves, and that thought fills me with purpose. My art and my stories are not just books for entertainment (though I hope they will be so) but to document and communicate a small sliver of the beauty, uniqueness, and wondrous depth of the human tapestry. 

I go to museums to reconnect to this truth. It makes me feel small and reminds me I am a part of a bigger picture. Like a spider, I want to use creativity to weave the thread of my life's purpose and my life's work. I've known that since I was a child, even if I didn't have the vocabulary to share it at the time. 

So, as the Spider card says:

In Balance: Appreciative, enthusiastic, prosperous

Out of Balance: discouraged, tired, forlorn

To Bring into Balance: playful creativity

So...

What new story begins today?

Golden Egg 

Message at the Center of the Heart, The Unstruck Sound

This card represents the Heart Chakra, which governs love, gratitude, and tenderness toward others, but also to the self. This card is about listening to the message from the center (the heart). "The sound cannot be heard, nor the message discerned until we retreat from the noise of modern day life.”

If I listen, I immediately hear The Little Mermaid. Period. It is my security blanket, my inspiration, and how I tune back into the message at the center. Not just the Disney version but all versions.

Growing up as a young black boy, I never felt I could express my love for mermaids. But it was what my heart wanted and who I was in my ways. 

It connected me to something so much deeper and bigger, to the point that it would take hours to truly unearth why I love mermaids.

I mean, from the moment I could hold a crayon, I drew mermaids. On the inside cover of all of my picture books. On scrap pieces of paper. On any surface that I could lay my hands on without getting into trouble. I drew them WAY before I ever drew humans. But I was afraid to express this love of mine.

So I would draw mermaids and mermen, hide them in a tin “Ninja Turtles” lunchbox, and stash the box away behind my TV unit.

That secret mermaid civilization had supplied hours of fun, peace, and acceptance.

Now I don't hide this love of mine. 

Not hiding my true self. That is the message of the heart.

Hey, being an artist can be hard. 

It is vulnerable work but such IMPORTANT work.

So, I write for the child I was who struggled to navigate a world that did not see him. My greatest wish is to be a true storyteller OF and FOR the world by adding to the legacy of BIPOC stories and characters, paying tribute to ancestral influence, and helping facilitate change for the future.

For Baby Justin.

And that's all folxs!

 

Wow! What an awesome month getting to share with you all! It was so special, and HUGE THANKS to Lee for inviting me! It's been a blast! Until next time!

Keep in touch! Check out my illustrations HERE and follow me on Instagram @themermancam and on Bluesky!

My Creative Mapping: The Roadmap I Use to Navigate My Imagination

Hi there, and welcome back!

I'm Justin, the guest blogger of the month here on the Official SCBWI Blog!

About me:

I am a pre-published author/illustrator and professional performer in Brooklyn, NY.

I love mixing visual and performance art, inspired by my background in dance, movement, and theater. I strive to write stories that explore and celebrate the interconnectivity, imperfection, and uniqueness of BIPOC people while challenging stereotypes and narrow constructions of identity, gender norms, and stigmatization of queerness.

Graduate of Montclair State University with a BFA in Dance and a Minor in Art Studio & Design (Illustration), I now perform professionally, nationally, and internationally.

For more information about my performance career, visit www.justincampbellnyc.com.

Oh! Also, I am a merman!

So before we dive into today’s topic, I’d like to share a quick story.

As a kid, my cousins and I would play video games NON-STOP all summer, with our trip to Blockbuster (R.I.P.) being a highlight of our week. Every week, we would rotate who chose a game as there were four boys with four very distinct tastes in media—I liked RPGs and Fantasy over my cousin’s choices of FIFA and WWE.

On one of my turns, I discovered this game with an extremely cool cover and decided to rent it. It has now become one of my favorite games of all time!

The game is called Psychonauts!

It is a psychedelic, weird, hilarious game that follows the story of a young kid with psychic powers. Away at camp to hone his skills, strange things begin to happen to the campers. With awesome storylines and gameplay to match, one of my favorite concepts/features is how you enter each level.

There are these tiny doors, you see.

And Raz, the main character you see above, throws the door at the forehead of whoever’s mind he was to enter. Once inside, you would explore their mind, collect "emotional baggage," find "figments of their imagination," and traverse mindscapes that ranged from a warzone to a bubble Disco Party! SO FRIGGIN’ COOL!

To this day, I visualize this when I meet new people that I want to connect with and understand.

And most days, as I am ALWAYS in my head, I try to imagine what the "playable level" would look like in my mind as a person of systems, lists, and colorful tabs.

So today, Psychonauts will be my inspiration as I map through my CREATIVE mind!

I love learning, and I like being walked THROUGH a process to establish pathways in my brain. Then, from there, I can adjust, create, and combine styles, techniques, and information to develop my own process.

So let’s jump into my MIIINNNNNDDDD!

Let's start where we left off, shall we? After all of the work I did to collect, generate, and figure out a catalog/library of subjects and styles I liked back in Blog #2, I began to apply this knowledge!

As a student at heart, I began to research the process of other artists, scouring YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, to find processes that spoke to me.

I am a big lover of Domestika's online courses, and one of the first lessons I took was Illustrated Stories: From Idea to Paper by Alfredo Cáceres.

During this course, Alfredo walked us through his process, which I boiled down to four steps: "Craft the Idea," Setting, Symbols, and Color Ideas.

Alfredo read an excerpt from “The Black Sheep” by Italo Calvino, a story about an honest man who brings down a society of thieves. From there, Alfredo broke the story down into a select number of characters and images:

The thief, the house, and the honest man.

Then, Alfredo illustrated these prompts to whittle them down to clear/concise images, made thumbnails for his composition, and, eventually, traditionally painted the final illustration. I sketched my prompts traditionally, and I adapted the rest to digital for my final drawing. I respond well to words as well, so I combined these drawing steps with writing and stream-of-consciousness exercises.

Here are the steps I follow!

01: “Craft the Idea”

At this stage, I think of stories to draw ideas from. They can be familiar, like fairytales/folklore or original “stories” or concepts I’ve whipped up in my mind.

For example, for Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Little Mermaid,” I listed: The mermaid, the Prince, the Sea Witch, the dagger, dawn, human stuff, treasure, two worlds, longing, the Statue of Prince, the human world, ornate, Indigenous, sunrise

Once you generated your list, choose three to four concepts to focus on. I chose Prince, Mermaid, Sunrise, and Two Worlds. From there, I sketched from those image/character prompts. Don’t get caught up in the details at this point. Just doodle!

02: “Setting/ The Set”

Next, I listed some potential locations:

-the ocean, the shore, the castle, underwater, underwater garden, outside, water's edge

I liked the idea of the castle, but I also wanted to show some underwater scenes, so I began to think of interesting ways to combine the two.

At this point, I even thought of regions in the world like North Africa, East Africa, and the Middle East, and I landed on the Philippines as my inspiration.

I ended up setting the period at the turn of the century so I could explore the connection between the Indigenous Philippines and the Westernization of the culture in a potentially longer project. Thank you to my Filipina friend for guiding me and fact-checking! Love you, girl!

03: “Symbols”

From here, I listed symbols that I could use to convey and communicate what I wanted. Very similar to “Crafting the Idea,” this step is to sharpen the theme with visual indicators to elevate the story being told. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Here are some specifics I wrote: mermaids, bubbles, dagger, ocean, castle, seashells, statues, waves

Next, I sketch the thumbnails! I sketch in ink so I don't get caught up in the detailing!

I decided to compose a scene where the Mermaid is fleeing the wedding of the Prince, who has sealed her fate by marrying another. She runs to the water to become sea foam as the Prince tries to stop her. All the feels, all the drammmmmaaaa! 

To incorporate the ocean, as the Mermaid touches the water at the base of the stairs, a seascape emerges, revealing her tail and what her life looked like. Above are some thumbnails where I tried to work out different layouts. 

“Color Ideas”

During this step, I introduce principles I’ve learned about color theory throughout my studies. Here are two videos that helped me as I sat at my dining table, pulling my hair out over color palettes. I revisit these videos frequently, and they keep me on track.

At the SCBWI Winter 2024 Conference, I attended Sailing Through the Sea of Colors: Unleash the Thrilling Potential of Color to Supercharge Your Storytelling, presented by Cátia Chien.

In this workshop, Catia broke down her process for choosing colors for her picture books. As I aspire to create children’s books, I blended some of her teachings into my process.

She guided us through the concepts of Color Psychology and Color Theory and how they can be used in the emotional arc of your story, the “Color Script”. 

She used Pixar’s Color Mapping as an example to demonstrate how color can manipulate the viewer’s mood through a scene and how color associations affect the audience.

Whether I am choosing colors for an illustration, a character, or a moment in a story, I keep account of the psychological aspect presented by Catia. 

With that in mind, the colors that I chose for this Little Mermaid illustration were pink, blue, coral, orange, and yellow.

Pink for romantic feels/sunrise

Blue for the ocean (obviously) but also, melancholy and loneliness.

Coral for a variation of romance but tied to the ocean theme.

Orange and yellow for sunrise but energy, propelling the story to what is to come.

In my thought process, on top of showing the contrast between nighttime and sunrise, I wanted the blue to accentuate this feeling of sadness/longing as she runs back to the ocean where the warm light of pink, and yellow beckons her. 

The coral of her tail and the pale version of her dress were chosen to represent romance but also her connection to the ocean and how on land, her "mermaid-ness" is duller.

The circular composition was to draw the viewer's eye down, around, and over from the sunrise/Mermaid past her tail and to the Prince who directs your eye back to the Mermaid.

An endless cycle of longing and unrequited love.

When it comes to longer projects, like storyboarding or picture bookmaking, I like to use the principles below to help develop the story, mood, and emotional arc.

Phew! This was a long one, but I hope it was helpful! I have all of these steps on my wall above my art table as a guide for my brain! Map out your process. Keep it close at hand. Let it guide you through with tools to create!

For more about me, check out my illustrations HERE and follow me on Instagram @themermancam and on Bluesky!

Thanks, ya'll!