The Spoon Theory—It’s Not Just For Disabled Folks!

Ever catch someone identifying as a “spoonie” in a social media bio? Confused? Curious? Allow me to explain.

There’s an essay that’s become well known among disabled people called The Spoon Theory, written by Christine Miserandino for the But You Don’t Look Sick blog. In it, she creates a metaphor wherein spoons represent one’s physical and mental energy. Having lunch with a friend who’d asked what it’s really like to be disabled, she explained that when you’re disabled, you have a limited number of spoons. On any given day, you have figure out how many spoons you expect to have and how many spoons each activity you have planned might take. If you have way too much planned for the available spoons, you need to adjust your plans accordingly.

It’s basically time and energy management, and while some people can get away with “winging it”—pushing through exhaustion or adjusting their schedules on the fly—that approach can spell disaster for others, particularly many disabled people. Personally, I find the analogy extremely helpful for explaining to able-bodied friends why it's so difficult for me say yes to spur-of-the-moment plans. Sometimes these invites feel like my buddies are suggesting I defy gravity! I often direct friends to the spoon theory essay to help them understand me more fully.

I’ve also found an understanding of the limited spoons I might have on a given day helpful in combatting the feeling that my not doing enough is some kind of moral failing. I can’t paint a whole house with one gallon of paint. That’s just math. But I might be able to tackle one room, and by setting a more feasible goal, I’m practicing gentle self-care and avoiding any mental-energy-sapping moral judgement that stands to derail me.

Recently an able-bodied artist friend was struggling with her own moral judgement around not accomplishing enough. This friend has a husband, a dog, a home needing routine maintenance and a day job—all of which require time and energy, i.e. a certain number of spoons. I could see that her mental energy, or bandwidth, was a real factor for her. I introduced her to The Spoon Theory and suggested she use it to make a more realistic goals and let go of unrealistic shame. Creating takes focus! Sometimes we may have physical strength leftover but our minds need rest.

Try the following exercise: 

Start with maybe 15 spoons for a given day and breakdown how many are needed for the various things on your schedule. Remember to consider both physical and mental energy. Tackle the “must do” agenda items first, and see how many spoons you have left for the rest. Do you have enough spoons for your art? If not, can you rearrange your schedule a bit? Maybe you can and maybe you can’t, but please remember: not getting to your art (or only getting to a little) on a day chock full of unavoidable activities isn’t a moral failing. It’s you being human.

Have fun—and now I gotta go. I’m totally out of spoons!

KAROL RUTH SILVERSTEIN is an award-winning children's book author and disability activist. She lives in West Hollywood, CA with two impossibly fluffy cats.